Unless you are COMMITTED to your CAUSE, you are not CONVERTED.
Isn't it scary? Imagine you have not been committed into doing what God wants or instructed and stated in His word, that means you're not a Christian at all. I was shocked when I saw this phrase when i was packing some papers. I realised I could not boldly say, "Yes, I have been committed to my cause in Christ. I'm converted. I'm a Christian." I want to be a Christian. A True Christian.
What about you?

Have u ever forgotten how u look? I did. I was shocked. Then scared.
Walked into a lift today and there're mirrors in it. When I saw my reflection, I didn't even know it's me. Took sometime to realise, the reflection was doing the same actions then i realised it was me.
Was looking through some photo albums at Weili's house. I actually didn;t stop to look at some of my photos cos i didn't realise i was in them.
I couldn't recognise meself.
Don't understand.
Maybe u all should try closing ur eyes and see if u can remember how u look...

Went to COOS yesterday for the Post-Fever100 service. It was great as usual but I was rather convicted. Des wrote in his blog about it's not whether we have turned cold but whether we've lost our heat. Our passion.
Digged out the journal that i wrote in East Timor and read it...
I think i'm at this stage when i dunno if i'm cold or hot. I'm doing a lot of things because i'm suppose to. And it seemed more like responsibilty and routine more than "God, for you!" kinda mentality.. Have I lost my focus?
Yes. Though I'm still following Him, in His path, my eyes are not on Him. They are just staring blankly.
My last entry in the journal before i came back was on sustaining what i encountered in East Timor and be focused, no longer distracted. All the awesome presence of God in my life, hearing His still and vivid voice. However, I've allowed things of the world and my busy schedule to consume me. I have allowed other voices to set in TOGETHER with God's voice AND i didn't even allow myself to quiet down to distinguish God's voice from the others. I'm just running and running like a headless chicken. This is bad.
BUT
I'm not gonna let this continue and i thank God for sending Ps Seaward to preach on "Listening to His voice". Actually, I was very scared when Ps Seaward said that God will just get tired of talking to u if we keep ignoring or don't obey. I was frantic. Started telling God, "okok!! Dun give up on me! pls pls pls!!" hehez.. =)
Anyway, was also reading the word that was given to me during the trip by the Selvams. A new season in the spirit, a season of growth and stretching of which the results will be maturity and God will break new things into my life. Shall spare u all the details la. BUT I want to hang on to His promise. I want to grow in Him. NEver losing sight of God or letting Him go. So if u see me, getting too busy and running aruond like a headless chicken, just tell me, "esther, are u spending time with Him? Have u been talking to Him and hear His voice?" Or just whack my head la. easier. but mercy on me by exerting less strength k!
Anyway, gtg to toa payoh now for NKF flag day after which have to rush for the edge then rush to Bro Andrew's party. HEhez.. can't wait to see bro andrew and wife's shock faces. =)
tata! ^o^

derek! I'm blogging now!! hehez...
Basically, my eyes are closing.. very very sleepy.. rushed to several places today, gave tuition then went prayer meeting.. Today's sch was rather hectic cos i spent most of my time rushing hmwk.. Not completed yet still.. 3 more essays.. i'm really too dead to do them... stoned o_o
Anyway, prayer meeting was very different today.. I saw a vision and i told Bro Willie.. He shared it. I saw these 4 graphs, a fluctuating frequency curve; a horizontal straight line graph; an upward sloping curve; a downward sloping curve. God asked, "which graph depicts ur love for me? Which one shows my love for u?" Then this phrase keeps coming, "love me more than yesterday.."
Actually, i was rather convicted.. I wasn't very sure which on was my curve.. but i'm very sure it is not the upward sloping one and it's not a good sign.. But one thing that i was very sure was that God's love is steady, consistant, constant and unchanging. That was assuring enough to help me make the decision that yes, I want to have a constant or an upward sloping curve... =)
I need to quiet down and re-focus again. I shall not be consumed by work or routines but to continue dwelling in His awesome presence.. amen. =)