How lovely is your dwelling place
O Lord Almighty!
My soul yearns and even faints,
For the courts of the Lord.
My heart and flesh cry out
For the living God.

Even the sparrow has found a home,
and the swallow a nest for herself,
where she may have her young-
a place near your altar,

O Lord Almighty, my King and my God.
Blessed are those who dwell in your house
They are ever praising You
Blessed are those whose strength is in You,
who have set yheir hearts on pilgrimage.
As they pass through the Valley of Baca,
they make it a place of springs.
The autumn rains also cover it with pools.
They go from strength to strenth,
till each appears before God in Zion.

Hear my prayer,
O Lord God Almighty.
Listen to me, O God of Jacob.
Look upon Your shield, O God.
look with favour on your annointed one.

Better is one day in your courts
than a thousand elsewhere.
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
than dwell in the tents of the wicked.
For the Lord God is a sun and shield
the Lord bestows favour and honour,
no good things does he withhold
from those whose walk is blameless.

O Lord Almighty,
blessed is the man who trust in You...

Psalm 84

ok.. i'm back. =)

Prelims results are more or less out. By raw score, all my subjects improved by 1 grade. So maybe after moderation, might up a lil more cos some sub's score is like 59 type. =) All in all, thank God for this grace and faithfulness.. =)

Today marks EXACTLY 1 mth to my A's. i.e 30days. And I've godzillion amt of content still not at my finger tips. Knowing is one thing but fully understanding it and vomitting it out again onto my scripts during exams is a different case totally. Guess.. I need to work even harder on that.. For the first time, I'm deeply traumatised by how scary exams can be.. Seriously, studied a lot but dunno what to throw in as answers, blank mind last min, cannot finish the paper, false understanding of the Qns,... =)

Anyway, all i hope for now is just PEACE. No one bothering me. No one talking and complaining. No one interferring with my life. I just wanna finish my A's safely. That's all I wanna do. I dun wanna be like someone i know of (He gave me advice) who screwed up his major exams cos of these nonsensical probs that he put on himself. For me, maybe i didn't handle it well enough and so pple can get hold of something and slam me. Stinks.

But above all, I do believe God is gonna deliver me of which i need to do my part as well.. I wanna have my confidence and self worth in God.. In Him, I find my PEACE and assurance..

"Lord, draw me back to you again.. Let me not be blinded or deafen by all that is occuring.. Send someone, Lord, to be a friend, a support and confidant. Give me, Lord, strength to carry on.. Give me a home where I find rest. Lord, never forsake me, I plead... All I need is You. All I have is You."

Ok, Prelims are officially OVER. This is the toughest exam I've ever taken.. Spread across 4wks, extremely long hours and most disgustingly the stuff i need to study can mount up to tons! All in all, A'level prelims just suck. haha.. =)
Nonetheless, It's O.V.E.R!!
Really appreciated all who kept me in prayers throughout this period of time, namely my family, elvin, uncle John, Sis Judy, Shirleys, richardson, my net(duh!), Qiuxia and the list goes on. God did show forth His grace and mercy on me, giving me a calm spirit even when most of the time, i either couldn't finish studying, couldn't rmb much of what i studied, or couldn't even finish the paper! heh.. not gonna disappoint God during the actual A's, after this weekend, I'm so so so gonna pia like mad. Write essays after essays.. time myself to finish on time.. I always CANNOT finish my paper!! It's either i think too much, too long or I write too slowly. The latter is more possible cos i've nothing in my mind to ponder and write!! Like my physical geog paper the other day! All the Wadis, Kopjes, piedmont zones, deserts, argh...
HAve been enjoying myself interacting with pple whom i seldom talk to. For instance, BRIAN!!! hahaha.. hey brother, i'm acknowledging you here in public, in the borderless world of internet! hahaha.. Got to know him better over these weeks and ya, he's a nice guy! A sincere fren. hehe.. (your head is swelling, brian!) hehe.. like now, i'm chatting with him on MSN!
okok... although i really wanna have a long long entry, but guess, i better prioritise and clean up my room first! all the notes and files are flying arnd! kk.. till laterz..
P/s: Shanny, dun worry ya? I'll be dying with you when results come out. you're not alone there! =)

Apparently it has been more than a mth since I last blogged and shawna can even tell me when was my last blog dated when I saw her ytd.. so embarrassing.. so here I am, back again. =)

These two mths were the most amazing two mths I ever had. Ok other than loving God, loving my family, loving pple around me, TRYing to love studying for my prelims and A’s (argh!!!), another person I now have to love is elvin. =) (ok.. put back your jaws!)

It’s really a long way before we’re attached. Things were rough and tough and sometimes I really wanna give up, largely due to my eyes blinded by other things but we saw God’s hands throughout. It’s really amazing and sweet and securing how God bring two pple together.. The way He showed us this relationship, helping us always to turn back to Him for strength, increasing our faith and confidence in Him, giving leaders and ourselves the peace and assurance that this is a God given relationship, withstanding storms under His wings together and everything, all I can say is “Thank you, God. For always being in our relationship with each other.”

I’ve knew elvin for nearly 6yrs. Like what I said in his friendster’s testimonial, I witnessed his horizontal expansion and contraction, his loud sneeze, his crappiness, his awesome voice, his tears, his heart and love for pple, his care n concern for the younger ones, his insanity in East Timor, his singlet n ultra short shorts when at home, his bag that is never packed n can contain sunday bulletin from a yr ago, his weird theory abt eating deep fried food when sick can cure illnesses, his willingness to help everyone even if he dreads it sometimes like having to carry someone on the back, his slow speed in washing dishes and clothes and ironing, his nagginess, his guitar skills, his talent in writing, his head tt's made of wood or maybe iron, his... Although we sort of know we like each other last December, we didn’t take it off just like that.. A choice to let God be in picture in everything we do is important.. of course, we prayed and prayed and prayed. Heh.. So spiritual. Haha.. =) God revealed to each of us a plan He has for both of us and we were very excited. He showed us that He has indeed placed us in each other’s life and future. Throughout this whole period, I can dare say we didn’t “scandalously” meet up often unless with other frens. We were friends, mild but cherished it dearly. =) Of course now, can meet more often already. =)

When we finally told each other in April, we were extremely happy… Cos both of us were assured in the Lord for this relationship. Of course, we continued praying and seek advice and counseling from leaders..

Frankly, things didn’t go as smoothly as we thought it would, the future that God held for us. Not mentioning the overwhelming negative remarks that we got, it was partly our excitement for this relationship that we nearly chose to love each other more than God, taking things in our own pace and way. It was scarily dangerous.. But we thank God for He pulled us back into His presence again because of His grace, mercy and most importantly, His love for us… Seriously, when God is in control, everything will work well for His greatest glory..

Because we nearly fell into the trap of Satan, the more we cherish this relationship and work towards making it beautiful in God’s eyes. But it’s not just two party but THREE. God, elvin and me. Of course, it really requires lots of discipline that we do feel tired and frustrated sometimes but God stilled our hearts.. He exchanged those negative feelings with more love and patience, be it towards each other or others. I wouldn’t say we are Saints but putting on Christ-likeness even in a love relationship, strengthens our faith in God. Now we are having counseling with Bro Stanley and Sis Regina and they gave us advice and guidelines to help us esp when sometimes we really didn’t how a Christian BGR should be handled. Thank God for other leaders like Sis Lily, Jidi, Pastor Jeremy, uncle John, Shirley, who care a lot for us too. =)

Ok.. this entry is getting too long.. next time then update again. =)
Shall end with this song that elvin sang during our first official date. I know he meant every word he sang and I also want to be there through thick and thin. =)

I Will Be Here
-Steven Curtis Chapman

Tomorrow morning if you wake up
And the sun does not appear
I, I will be here
If in the dark, we lose sight of love
Hold my hand, and have no fear
'Cause I, I will be here

I will be here
When you feel like being quiet
When you need to speak your mind
I will listen
And I will be here
When the laughter turns to cryin'
Through the winning, losing and trying
We'll be together
’Cause I will be here

Tomorrow morning, if you wake up
And the future is unclear
I, I will be here
As sure as seasons were made for change
Our lifetimes were made for these years
So I, I will be here

I will be here
So you can cry on my shoulder
When the mirror tells us we're older
I will hold you
And I will be here
To watch you grow in beauty
And tell you all the things you mean to me
I will be here

I will be true to the promise I have made
To you and to the One who gave you to me

Just as sure as seasons were made for change
Our lifetimes were made for these years
So I, I will be here
We’ll be together
‘Cause I will be here
I will be here.

Everything’s OK
-Chris Rice

Looked out my window last night,
From my pillow and I,
Saw the willow weeping a causal sigh.
Man in the moon looked rather,
Sad and confused as if he'd,
Become a mirror into my watery eyes.
I dreamed and prayed through the night,
Please send some grace with your morning light.

And he sent you along like a summer day,
With a blue-sky smile on your funny face,
And a bird flew by singing everything's gonna be OK, yeah,
So we laughed all day with the man in the moon,
And we thanked the good Lord for the afternoon,
'Cause He showed me His love by sending me you,
And it's OK now,
Everything's OK.

Opened my window tonight,
Hear the rain falling light,
Whispering that everything is alright.
Long, low, and gentle rumble,
Starts in the west and tumbles,
Across the corners of the colorless sky.
I blow a kiss through the dark,
Sails on the thunder and reaches heaven's heart.

And he sent you along like a summer day,
With a blue-sky smile on your funny face,
And a bird flew by singing eveything's gonna be OK, yeah,
So we laughed all day with the man in the moon,
And we thanked the good Lord for the afternoon,
'Cause He showed me His love by sending me you,
And it's OK now,
Everything's OK.

We laughed all day,
And we thanked the good Lord,
Cause He showed me His love,
OK now.

And he sent you along like a summer day,
With a blue-sky smile on your funny face,
And a bird flew by singing eveything's gonna be OK, yeah,
We laughed all day with the man in the moon,
And we thanked the good Lord for the afternoon,
'Cause He showed me His love by sending me you,
And it's OK now,
Everything's OK.

Everything's OK (x2)

It's such a nice song... So sweet! esp the chorus. Shared it with bro and i think he likes it too cos he's still humming it! haha... Very nice love song to sing for couples! hahaha..
Had dinner at esplanade last night. The scenery was so good! Then took a stroll along the river to digest. Enjoyed myself a lot esp when yesterday was my LAST paper!! hahaha.. So glad that BT is finally over. I think God has really been very gracious to me. Despite only starting like few days before and was so sick that i didn't even go for GP paper, I actually managed to go through other papers feeling calm. =)
Going Sentosa tmr. Hopefully the sun is good then can tan a lil. If not walk around also can. It's the company that matters ma! haha... Can't wait though. Very long nv go sentosa le.
kk.. mission of the day. CLEAN UP THE HOUSE! CLEAR MY STUDY TABLE. PLAY POOL WITH BRO. NET AT DES' HOUSE.
Alright.. once again, it's a really sweet song.. ^-^

Everything To Me
-Avalon

I grew up in Sunday school
I memorized the Golden Rule
And how Jesus came to set the sinner free
I know the story inside out
I can tell you all about
The path that led Him up to Calvary
But ask me why He loves me
And I don't know what to say
But I'll never be the same
Because He changed my life when He became...

CHORUS:
Everything to me
He's more than a story
More than words on a page of history
He's the air that I breathe
The water I thirst for
And the ground beneath my feet
He's everything, everything to me

We're living in uncertain times
And more and more I find that I'm aware
Of just how fragile life can be
I want to tell the world I found
A love that turned my life around
They need to know that they can taste and see
Now every day I'm praying
Just to give my heart away
I want to live for Jesus
So that someone else might see that He is...

BRIDGE:
And looking back over my life at the end
I'll go to meet You saying You've been

Listened to this song for many times yesterday. The two verses are just so real to me. I grew up in a Christian family, in church, being forced to read the bible everyday when i was young and memorising proverbs verses BECAUSE my mum said it's important and beneficial. Doing everything because it's a MUST, really knowing the story of Jesus' sacrifice and singing so many songs of God sending His Son for us and Jesus' sufferings, without clearly understanding what everything actually meant was my younger days.

However, God is always faithful. He had everything planned and i had my encounter with Him. A true encounter with Him that cannot be explained or described by the songs i sing or the verses that i memorised. It was and IS still so personal. So amazing and dear to me. Like in the second verse, I truly want to tell the world that I've found a love that turned my life around. AND I really really want to live for Jesus so that someone else might see that He is EVERYTHING TO ME. That He is more than a story, more than words on a page of history. And that He has become the air that I breathe, the water I thirst for and the ground beneath my feet.

Then the bridge which says, "And looking back over my life at the end, I'll go to meet You saying You've been everything to me." I want to say that to God when i meet Him next time. Really. But many atimes, I do fall, I do sin, I do get lazy and tired. Everyday as I pray, I pray for mercy.. Mercy on me, God. Preserve my life, so I may make right with You and make You everything in my life and that I can joyfully join You and fellow angels in Heaven giving You all the praise and glory. Our God is a gracious God. So far, He has never forsaken me anytime. Be it happy or depressing or disappointing incidents. I am grateful that I am serving a faithful and loving God who is not far away or made by man.

Truly, sincerely and with all my heart, I WANT to make him...

EVERYTHING TO ME...

I Am Nothing
-Ginny Owens

I could travel over oceans, cross the deserts, climb the mountains
Just to share Your story, bring You glory, and win souls for You.
I could sing like an angel, songs so humble and so thankful
Full of drama and emotion, so the world would know Your truth.
I could give away my money and my clothes and my food
To restore those people who are poor, lost, and down-and-out.
Oh, I could succeed at all these things,
Find in favor with peasants and kings,
But if I do not love, I am nothing.

I could live a flawless life,
Never cheat or steal or lie,
And always speak so kindly, smile warmly, and go about doing good.
I could dedicate myself to do what everyone else wants me to-
Listen to them, compliment them, say the things I should.
I could show up every Sunday, lead the Choir and Bible Study
And they all might come to know me as a leader and a friend.
Oh, I could achieve success on Earth, but success cannot define my worth
And all these actions, all these words, will not matter in the end-

CHORUS:
Songs will fade to silence,
Stories, they will cease.
The dust will settle, covering all my selfless deeds.
So as I strive to serve You,
Won't You make it clear to me,
If I do not love, I am nothing.

BRIDGE:
If I cannot live my life loving my brother,
Then how can I love the One who lived His life for me?

Sent to Earth from Heaven,
Humble Servant, Holy King,
Come to share a story, get no glory, and save my searching soul,
You knew that I'd deny You, crucify You, but nothing could stop You from
living for me, dying for me, so that I would know-

CHORUS:
Songs will fade to silence,
Stories will cease,
The dust will settle covering these selfless deeds.
But Your life here has made it clear enough for me to see
That if I do not love, I am nothing.

Indeed, I am nothing. I can fake everyone by smiling, joking, mingling with everyone. I can even be on duty on stage singing but my heart wasn't with God. I can easily raise my hands and worship God to portray a spiritual Christian image but what for? Self-glorification? self-satisfaction? What for?

Truly, I am nothing unless I REALLY love God and my brothers. "This commandment we have from Him: that he who loves God must love his brother also" -1 John 4:21 It is a commandment and if I'm not able to do it, I'm sinning..

I'm learning to slowly let go of the hurts, bitterness and pains cos if these persist, I'd only be further and further away from God and that seriously is freaking me out.

In nearly every church, there will be a porcupine people or two, with sharp quills of criticism or sarcasm or arrogance. We want to avoid them, but God places us in communities of believers for fellowship. He commands us to love one another- including the porcupine types. And I do admit that I have quills too.. And so what am I to judge or even continue to dwell in the state of low-lying cos of others?

I'm glad that God is faithful enough to not just leave me to die on my own... He never did leave me alone for a millisecond even when my heart was no longer putting Him as the top priority.. He sent different ones to be there and most importantly, reminded me that I CAN ask from Him the gift of love and forgiveness. I realised so vividly that God nv once failed me when I cry out to Him. It is a promise that He'll be there for us. As we desire Him, we will encounter Him. It is a truth, a promise, an assurance which stands forever. Putting an act in our daily lives is tiring, but when you sincerely do it for God and eventually naturally, it is once again a refreshing and joyful experience every time. I want to try harder for God. For loving each other is the way we show the world that we love God..

Some people can be difficult to love and so we do not even try to care,
But God says, "Love them just as I've loved you. You'll bring Me glory as My love you share."