ok.. It's really time to blog properly.. ALTHOUGH I'm really tired and sleepy now.. heh.. it's past 12am!

It has definitely been a rough and exhausting month.. Be it physically, mentally or emotionally. But God was faithful and He really brought me through.. If by my own strength and with so many things happening at one go, i really would have broke down badly.. I wouldn't deny that i DID broke down a few times when i kept looking to myself. God constantly reminded me that He's around and I really only have to care abt Him. He is my Audience of One.. The only one i need to please... =)

Basically, as the previous blog says, A Levels is OVER! =) Finally.. I dun think i'd do well but again,everything is in God's hands and you'd really never know. Maybe they might just key in the score of shanny twice and we have the same grades! which will definitely be better than mine la. haha...

Secondly, my birthday! haha.. this yr, I dated my books on the actual day!! Actually, it wasn't that bad la.. the night before my bday, elvin gave me a very filling birthday dinner at NYDC. Wah.. really ate A LOT. appetisers, drinks, main course. I was so full and couldn't even finish my food! But got elvin, all plates will be cleared la. =P Then on the actual day, ate breakfast with elvin at BK then studied for near 4hrs before heading home. Was rather depressed cos bday has always been a special date marked on my calendar and I'm stucked with my books and can't go out to celebrate and ALONE at home.. Was so so so sad and was msging esther complaining. heh.. Never did i thought that THEY actually planned a surprise celebration for me.. It must have been esp tough on elvin cos he came up with the idea and i was even angry at him just cos i had to spent it alone. haha.. so brat! He wanted to just tell me abt the celebration but refrained and suffered my nonsense.. (thanks, dear!)
Before they (Joash, Joel,Esther, Elvin and my siblings) came up to my house door, I was even having a very bad diarrhoe and was toilet bowl-ridden. haha.. For evidence, refer to John's blog. I was having puffy eyes and looking sick! haha.. =) Yup, so they came with a cake, sang the bday song and we ate the cake and watch DVD.

Although this bday was just plain initially, everythin just brightened as I realised like what Joel said, I really have the nicest frens(sibings included) around and a really sweet boyfriend.. It's really a bliss to have them. I was so touched. Now i've got another "brother" (Joash) who calls me "er-jie". He has been a blessing too! Not forgetting the previous and existing ones, i.e the P3 (John, Joel and Des). They are really pple who are closest to my heart and I just wanna make sure everything's ok with them and love them.. Of course, it has to be mutual la.. =S

Of course, there's still Esther Foong.. She's definitely the most amazing fren i have.. All the ups and downs we went through but still perservering and going on stronger cos we're bonded and brought together by a covernant with God which should not be broken easily. From threatening to jump out of window, crying while writing letters to now close and blissfully frens, all I can say is "thank you, Lord".

I thought i should thank my brother, John, as well.. He has always been around.. being the mini messenger to elvin sometimes when i'm feeling down at home or what.. I guess we are really loving each other and sharing more than before.. There's only gonna be escalation to our relationship and I mean it.. =) Not forgetting, my elder sis too.. Wanna be closer too. =)

Lastly, elvin. I think no one can love me the way he does le.. other than God of course la.. It's beyond words of how thankful I am that he is always there. Although i get angry at him sometimes cos of different communication style, he is always willing to change and giving in to me.. Like Ps Doug's wife, he only looks at what is good and nice in me, built it up and pray for me. We've learnt that love is not just a feeling but a commitment.. A commitment to God and each other.. It has just been wonderful having him.. Thank God for elvin... =)

Ok.. and all those who msged or wished me (angel, colleen, brian, gabriel, hilda, shirley, aunty jenny, uncle alan, richardson, tino, mark, Samuel.J21, esther chong, esther lin, Chris, Elaine, Beng Kiat, Wen Jian, Callista, siting, shawna, Charis, danielle.SA, Waiyin, Rahmat, Quiyi, Quixia, Sharon, Nigel, Des, Weili, Joy, huiping, hyen ying, peiling, Jessica, jidi, bro Israel, sis barbara, Samsiah, sheena(fellow bday-ee), Shih Hua, weihui and others),thank you for the love and concern.. I'm glad i crossed path with all of you.. =)

kk.. that's all for now cos it's 1am and i'm tired.. =(

Love ya, pple!! =)

My A's are over.

OVER.

O.V.E.R.

O.V.E.R.

O.V.E.R.

Ok... This is it. THE biggest thing that can ever happen to me in my academic life- A'levels.
Here goes...

041104 (thurs)
General Paper 1&2 (3hrs 30min) (0800~1130hrs)

051104 (Friday)
Chinese 'A' Paper 1 (3hrs) (0800~1100hrs)
Chinese 'A' Paper 2 (3hrs) (1430~1730hrs)

171104 (Wed)
Economics Paper 3 (2hr 15min) (1400~1615hrs)

191104 (Friday)
Geography Paper 2 (3hrs) (0800~1100hrs)

221104 (Monday)
Economics Paper 1&2 (3hrs 15min) (0800~1115hrs)

241104 (Wed)
Geography Paper 1 (3hrs) (1400~1700hrs)

Do keep me in prayers ya? I really wanna do well... =)
Thanks! ^o^

How lovely is your dwelling place
O Lord Almighty!
My soul yearns and even faints,
For the courts of the Lord.
My heart and flesh cry out
For the living God.

Even the sparrow has found a home,
and the swallow a nest for herself,
where she may have her young-
a place near your altar,

O Lord Almighty, my King and my God.
Blessed are those who dwell in your house
They are ever praising You
Blessed are those whose strength is in You,
who have set yheir hearts on pilgrimage.
As they pass through the Valley of Baca,
they make it a place of springs.
The autumn rains also cover it with pools.
They go from strength to strenth,
till each appears before God in Zion.

Hear my prayer,
O Lord God Almighty.
Listen to me, O God of Jacob.
Look upon Your shield, O God.
look with favour on your annointed one.

Better is one day in your courts
than a thousand elsewhere.
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
than dwell in the tents of the wicked.
For the Lord God is a sun and shield
the Lord bestows favour and honour,
no good things does he withhold
from those whose walk is blameless.

O Lord Almighty,
blessed is the man who trust in You...

Psalm 84

ok.. i'm back. =)

Prelims results are more or less out. By raw score, all my subjects improved by 1 grade. So maybe after moderation, might up a lil more cos some sub's score is like 59 type. =) All in all, thank God for this grace and faithfulness.. =)

Today marks EXACTLY 1 mth to my A's. i.e 30days. And I've godzillion amt of content still not at my finger tips. Knowing is one thing but fully understanding it and vomitting it out again onto my scripts during exams is a different case totally. Guess.. I need to work even harder on that.. For the first time, I'm deeply traumatised by how scary exams can be.. Seriously, studied a lot but dunno what to throw in as answers, blank mind last min, cannot finish the paper, false understanding of the Qns,... =)

Anyway, all i hope for now is just PEACE. No one bothering me. No one talking and complaining. No one interferring with my life. I just wanna finish my A's safely. That's all I wanna do. I dun wanna be like someone i know of (He gave me advice) who screwed up his major exams cos of these nonsensical probs that he put on himself. For me, maybe i didn't handle it well enough and so pple can get hold of something and slam me. Stinks.

But above all, I do believe God is gonna deliver me of which i need to do my part as well.. I wanna have my confidence and self worth in God.. In Him, I find my PEACE and assurance..

"Lord, draw me back to you again.. Let me not be blinded or deafen by all that is occuring.. Send someone, Lord, to be a friend, a support and confidant. Give me, Lord, strength to carry on.. Give me a home where I find rest. Lord, never forsake me, I plead... All I need is You. All I have is You."

Ok, Prelims are officially OVER. This is the toughest exam I've ever taken.. Spread across 4wks, extremely long hours and most disgustingly the stuff i need to study can mount up to tons! All in all, A'level prelims just suck. haha.. =)
Nonetheless, It's O.V.E.R!!
Really appreciated all who kept me in prayers throughout this period of time, namely my family, elvin, uncle John, Sis Judy, Shirleys, richardson, my net(duh!), Qiuxia and the list goes on. God did show forth His grace and mercy on me, giving me a calm spirit even when most of the time, i either couldn't finish studying, couldn't rmb much of what i studied, or couldn't even finish the paper! heh.. not gonna disappoint God during the actual A's, after this weekend, I'm so so so gonna pia like mad. Write essays after essays.. time myself to finish on time.. I always CANNOT finish my paper!! It's either i think too much, too long or I write too slowly. The latter is more possible cos i've nothing in my mind to ponder and write!! Like my physical geog paper the other day! All the Wadis, Kopjes, piedmont zones, deserts, argh...
HAve been enjoying myself interacting with pple whom i seldom talk to. For instance, BRIAN!!! hahaha.. hey brother, i'm acknowledging you here in public, in the borderless world of internet! hahaha.. Got to know him better over these weeks and ya, he's a nice guy! A sincere fren. hehe.. (your head is swelling, brian!) hehe.. like now, i'm chatting with him on MSN!
okok... although i really wanna have a long long entry, but guess, i better prioritise and clean up my room first! all the notes and files are flying arnd! kk.. till laterz..
P/s: Shanny, dun worry ya? I'll be dying with you when results come out. you're not alone there! =)

Apparently it has been more than a mth since I last blogged and shawna can even tell me when was my last blog dated when I saw her ytd.. so embarrassing.. so here I am, back again. =)

These two mths were the most amazing two mths I ever had. Ok other than loving God, loving my family, loving pple around me, TRYing to love studying for my prelims and A’s (argh!!!), another person I now have to love is elvin. =) (ok.. put back your jaws!)

It’s really a long way before we’re attached. Things were rough and tough and sometimes I really wanna give up, largely due to my eyes blinded by other things but we saw God’s hands throughout. It’s really amazing and sweet and securing how God bring two pple together.. The way He showed us this relationship, helping us always to turn back to Him for strength, increasing our faith and confidence in Him, giving leaders and ourselves the peace and assurance that this is a God given relationship, withstanding storms under His wings together and everything, all I can say is “Thank you, God. For always being in our relationship with each other.”

I’ve knew elvin for nearly 6yrs. Like what I said in his friendster’s testimonial, I witnessed his horizontal expansion and contraction, his loud sneeze, his crappiness, his awesome voice, his tears, his heart and love for pple, his care n concern for the younger ones, his insanity in East Timor, his singlet n ultra short shorts when at home, his bag that is never packed n can contain sunday bulletin from a yr ago, his weird theory abt eating deep fried food when sick can cure illnesses, his willingness to help everyone even if he dreads it sometimes like having to carry someone on the back, his slow speed in washing dishes and clothes and ironing, his nagginess, his guitar skills, his talent in writing, his head tt's made of wood or maybe iron, his... Although we sort of know we like each other last December, we didn’t take it off just like that.. A choice to let God be in picture in everything we do is important.. of course, we prayed and prayed and prayed. Heh.. So spiritual. Haha.. =) God revealed to each of us a plan He has for both of us and we were very excited. He showed us that He has indeed placed us in each other’s life and future. Throughout this whole period, I can dare say we didn’t “scandalously” meet up often unless with other frens. We were friends, mild but cherished it dearly. =) Of course now, can meet more often already. =)

When we finally told each other in April, we were extremely happy… Cos both of us were assured in the Lord for this relationship. Of course, we continued praying and seek advice and counseling from leaders..

Frankly, things didn’t go as smoothly as we thought it would, the future that God held for us. Not mentioning the overwhelming negative remarks that we got, it was partly our excitement for this relationship that we nearly chose to love each other more than God, taking things in our own pace and way. It was scarily dangerous.. But we thank God for He pulled us back into His presence again because of His grace, mercy and most importantly, His love for us… Seriously, when God is in control, everything will work well for His greatest glory..

Because we nearly fell into the trap of Satan, the more we cherish this relationship and work towards making it beautiful in God’s eyes. But it’s not just two party but THREE. God, elvin and me. Of course, it really requires lots of discipline that we do feel tired and frustrated sometimes but God stilled our hearts.. He exchanged those negative feelings with more love and patience, be it towards each other or others. I wouldn’t say we are Saints but putting on Christ-likeness even in a love relationship, strengthens our faith in God. Now we are having counseling with Bro Stanley and Sis Regina and they gave us advice and guidelines to help us esp when sometimes we really didn’t how a Christian BGR should be handled. Thank God for other leaders like Sis Lily, Jidi, Pastor Jeremy, uncle John, Shirley, who care a lot for us too. =)

Ok.. this entry is getting too long.. next time then update again. =)
Shall end with this song that elvin sang during our first official date. I know he meant every word he sang and I also want to be there through thick and thin. =)

I Will Be Here
-Steven Curtis Chapman

Tomorrow morning if you wake up
And the sun does not appear
I, I will be here
If in the dark, we lose sight of love
Hold my hand, and have no fear
'Cause I, I will be here

I will be here
When you feel like being quiet
When you need to speak your mind
I will listen
And I will be here
When the laughter turns to cryin'
Through the winning, losing and trying
We'll be together
’Cause I will be here

Tomorrow morning, if you wake up
And the future is unclear
I, I will be here
As sure as seasons were made for change
Our lifetimes were made for these years
So I, I will be here

I will be here
So you can cry on my shoulder
When the mirror tells us we're older
I will hold you
And I will be here
To watch you grow in beauty
And tell you all the things you mean to me
I will be here

I will be true to the promise I have made
To you and to the One who gave you to me

Just as sure as seasons were made for change
Our lifetimes were made for these years
So I, I will be here
We’ll be together
‘Cause I will be here
I will be here.