Unless you are COMMITTED to your CAUSE, you are not CONVERTED.
Isn't it scary? Imagine you have not been committed into doing what God wants or instructed and stated in His word, that means you're not a Christian at all. I was shocked when I saw this phrase when i was packing some papers. I realised I could not boldly say, "Yes, I have been committed to my cause in Christ. I'm converted. I'm a Christian." I want to be a Christian. A True Christian.
What about you?

Have u ever forgotten how u look? I did. I was shocked. Then scared.
Walked into a lift today and there're mirrors in it. When I saw my reflection, I didn't even know it's me. Took sometime to realise, the reflection was doing the same actions then i realised it was me.
Was looking through some photo albums at Weili's house. I actually didn;t stop to look at some of my photos cos i didn't realise i was in them.
I couldn't recognise meself.
Don't understand.
Maybe u all should try closing ur eyes and see if u can remember how u look...

Went to COOS yesterday for the Post-Fever100 service. It was great as usual but I was rather convicted. Des wrote in his blog about it's not whether we have turned cold but whether we've lost our heat. Our passion.
Digged out the journal that i wrote in East Timor and read it...
I think i'm at this stage when i dunno if i'm cold or hot. I'm doing a lot of things because i'm suppose to. And it seemed more like responsibilty and routine more than "God, for you!" kinda mentality.. Have I lost my focus?
Yes. Though I'm still following Him, in His path, my eyes are not on Him. They are just staring blankly.
My last entry in the journal before i came back was on sustaining what i encountered in East Timor and be focused, no longer distracted. All the awesome presence of God in my life, hearing His still and vivid voice. However, I've allowed things of the world and my busy schedule to consume me. I have allowed other voices to set in TOGETHER with God's voice AND i didn't even allow myself to quiet down to distinguish God's voice from the others. I'm just running and running like a headless chicken. This is bad.
BUT
I'm not gonna let this continue and i thank God for sending Ps Seaward to preach on "Listening to His voice". Actually, I was very scared when Ps Seaward said that God will just get tired of talking to u if we keep ignoring or don't obey. I was frantic. Started telling God, "okok!! Dun give up on me! pls pls pls!!" hehez.. =)
Anyway, was also reading the word that was given to me during the trip by the Selvams. A new season in the spirit, a season of growth and stretching of which the results will be maturity and God will break new things into my life. Shall spare u all the details la. BUT I want to hang on to His promise. I want to grow in Him. NEver losing sight of God or letting Him go. So if u see me, getting too busy and running aruond like a headless chicken, just tell me, "esther, are u spending time with Him? Have u been talking to Him and hear His voice?" Or just whack my head la. easier. but mercy on me by exerting less strength k!
Anyway, gtg to toa payoh now for NKF flag day after which have to rush for the edge then rush to Bro Andrew's party. HEhez.. can't wait to see bro andrew and wife's shock faces. =)
tata! ^o^

derek! I'm blogging now!! hehez...
Basically, my eyes are closing.. very very sleepy.. rushed to several places today, gave tuition then went prayer meeting.. Today's sch was rather hectic cos i spent most of my time rushing hmwk.. Not completed yet still.. 3 more essays.. i'm really too dead to do them... stoned o_o
Anyway, prayer meeting was very different today.. I saw a vision and i told Bro Willie.. He shared it. I saw these 4 graphs, a fluctuating frequency curve; a horizontal straight line graph; an upward sloping curve; a downward sloping curve. God asked, "which graph depicts ur love for me? Which one shows my love for u?" Then this phrase keeps coming, "love me more than yesterday.."
Actually, i was rather convicted.. I wasn't very sure which on was my curve.. but i'm very sure it is not the upward sloping one and it's not a good sign.. But one thing that i was very sure was that God's love is steady, consistant, constant and unchanging. That was assuring enough to help me make the decision that yes, I want to have a constant or an upward sloping curve... =)
I need to quiet down and re-focus again. I shall not be consumed by work or routines but to continue dwelling in His awesome presence.. amen. =)

ok.. it had been raining for days and I have been dozing off every now and then and EVERYWHERE! haha.. in Lectures, in class, during tests, when doing homework, when using computer, when erm... doing devotions.. THE WEATHER IS TOO CONDUCIVE FOR SLEEPING! grr... But I like... (so mr Lynn..) haha...
Anyway, waiting for GP lesson to start 80min free period before that loh.. Waste time. Wah lao.. Library is so stinking cold and everyone is wearing jackets or sweaters. My dearest fren, rebecca is helping me type out the class emergency contact list! So nice.. hehez.. but i also intro her for a Chinese tuition deal. call quits!
As u can see.. this entry is just total crapping.. Have nothing in mind what to type and at the same time have nothing in mind to feel up my blank hmwk. =S
Meeting esther to jog today then study. Leaders having meeting at her house so i was thinking of asking her over to my place instead. Better ma! But i dunno whether my maid cleaned up the place before going back msia la. Maybe still very messy. hee..
Sis got her job as a lecturer in NYP! haha... though it's just a ultra fanciful name with a not so amazing pay but we are really happy that she got a job! esp when times are bad and she didn't even like send out MANY applications. Really thank God.. =)
My tutoring job is also providing me with some good money that i can save up for this yr's fever 100 trip! Thinking of opening another account.. so i won't ACCIDENTALLY spend it.. oh ya! Hopefully the church can let me have the 500bucks for the trip, instead of for gig! *brr.. fingers are freezing...*
Got to know uncle Boyle and Auntie Ann these few mths. I really like uncle boyle! so funny! sometimes very cheeky also. hehez.. But they are really generous pple, not just in monetary form but the way they really care and love pple. =) Of course, not forgetting my Godma, auntie Jenny and uncle george. They are also very nice pple.. Am really thankful to have known them through elvin and esther. God is always so caring.. these few mths, mum has always been in msia cos of her busy schedule in her kindergarden and auntie jenny really treated us well.. remembering the time when john and i were saying very long nv eat home cooked food when we were chatting before we sleep, the next day, auntie jenny invited us over for dinner.. dunno if it's of divine appointment but i'm still thankful! =)
kk... time's up. GP teacher coming to the lab liao.. shall end the crapping session. =)

Basically, I'm currently back in Spore and I'm not exactly happy abt it cos it's CHINESE NEW YEAR!! And when everyone is back home eating good food, playing fire crackers and enjoying all the time together, i'm now all alone at home. grr... it's all because of SAT! Greg said that the one who set the date must be an ang moh. Doesn't he or she know that CNY last for 15days?!
Anyway, I didn't study much for my SAT or maybe i should say nv touch... Pls pray for me no matter what... it's 8am tmr morning and should last until like 12pm la.. Thanks! =)
Jessie is leaving tomorrow. Gonna miss her lots! She's one of the niang-est fren i have and really have to learn from her.. hee.. laughing without showing teeth one! But she's a sweet girl. =)
Jessie ah! Better dun marry an ang moh BF there! esp those who don't even know CNY last for 15 days... grr...
k.. I'm back in Spore.

WHAT IS THIS MAN!? I TYPED SUCH A LONG ENTRY AND IT JUST DISAPPEAR LIKE THIS!? grr... No mood to type all over again liao... sianx..
ANyway, in short, it's my slacking day today and i'm in my dad's shop instead of mum's kindergarden and my siblings are helping out in the shop while i slack. I'm not lazy k.. just that i'm helping out in other stuff... i.e. domestic issues! haha.. I'll be going back to the house to cook food and deco la.. cos this is the first yr we are celebrating in our new house and we are very excited over it! Dad invited many frens to come visit and i invited my msia frens too! hee.. finally sia... =)
kk... just let it be a short one this time.. stupid com... I'll be back soon! though i'm like enjoying myself more here. hee.. wanna watch infernal affairs tonight! lalala.. Nice show! =)
Alright.. BLESSED NEW YEAR EVERYONE! If u have the heart, can always call my msia house to wish me BLESSED NEW YEAR TOO!! lalala..
take care, all!